A Connecticut Yankee Out West

"Deputy" JohnCo

I need to dispel the rumor floating around that I want to personally trash Scott "Spam King" Richter's house if he is ever found guilty and, by some magical twist of fate, have his reportedly large, plush domicile seized by the government and handed over as part of payment.  For the record, were this fantasy world to come true, and his casa became our casa, I have no interest in damaging the place.  Such an act would reduce the home's value and I only want to work for the best interests of the company and the email world.

I *would* however, not be adverse to hanging out in the place for a few days with several hundred of my close employees, various fellow spam fighters, and some industry media (supermodels and famous people welcome at anytime, of course).  I'd probably even be willing to do this all on personal time and expense, although I think that would hurt the symbolism of the event: "Mess with our customers and we'll sue you out of house and home" or some such.  We could create a PSA with footage from various spammer ex-homes.  Here we are at Richter's ex-place, enjoying the jacuzzi, here we are in Mrs. "Great new Stock's" ex-kitchen making margaritas, here we are in Mr. "All Natural Viagra's" ex-living room playing twister.  I'm thinking of dozens of anti-spam slogans you could attach to such images.  I bet you could too!

I'm sure the law doesn't work that way anyway, but a man can dream, can't he?

Psst, people should stop spamming (and phishing), pass it on.

The jig is up, spammers!  You're surrounded!  Come out with your hands up and perhaps even flashing that deed to your house!  This dude over at ZDNet has blogged your end by deputizaing everyone who reads his post.

Gates proves real resolve in bringing spammers to justice by ZDNet's David Berlind (last paragraph contains our deputization, be still my beating heart).

All jokes aside, the more publicity Microsoft's determination and litigation gets, the better, IMHO, so please do pass it on.

For some reason, this seems like a good time to point out the obvious; that the opinions expressed here (and in all my posts) do not represent my employer's in any way, and are strictly my own.  The rest of such a disclaimer reads something along the lines of:  "The posts on this weblog are provided "AS IS" with no warranties, and confer no rights."  Got it?  Good.

You Don’t Have To Go Home, But You Can’t Stay Here

We were thrown out of four places in one day. Yep.  Four. Count’em:

#1.  Alcatraz

… we caught the last boat off the rock.  They were literally closing gates behind us. Shame on anyone who doesn’t take the chance to visit, especially if you’ve lived in the Bay Area for awhile (Matt & Jennifer have made up for their transgression now, so you should too). I’ll go anytime, you just have to ask.  The place is damn cool.  Maybe we can get one of the rangers to do a Phil Hartman impression that I can then send to my brother… “My name is John Johnson but everyone here calls me Vicki”.

#2. Company Holiday Party… I am mighty proud of our greater team. As the night wore on, most of the rest of the campus petered out, but not so for us HM folks. The event staff was packing up around us when we finally left. As best I could tell, a good time was had by all; certainly by me, anyway.

#3.  “R Bar”… right down the street from the party was a small bar that Matt knew. Several of us met up there and found an un-crowded back area to further unwind in.  Matt & I swear that the Batmobile is located on the other side of a garage door that is located there; somebody should let us know sometime if our hunch is correct.  Meanwhile, Pete did his best (worst?) imitation of Marilyn Monroe with a fan on the floor thanks to his choice of attire for the evening: a kilt. People in general were not excited to contemplate the fact that Pete was most likely wearing his kilt “appropriately” (sans knickers) while fanning his nether regions with the only source of air movement in the room.  House lights coming on and people heading for the exit was our cue to exit.

#4.   Leavenworth & Washington… a house party hosted by a friend (Andy) of a coworker (Jason), in celebration of some other guy (David’s) birthday that another coworker (James) invited us to. Got that?  Good thing I had very little to drink that night, cause I’m not sure I would have remembered it otherwise. If you want to talk about Journey (the band) go talk to David, cause “Lights” “is like the best song ever, man”. I will not confirm nor deny the existence of a photo with me and a giant inflated snowman coming from this location. No comments will be forthcoming from me either regarding University days with similar photos of me and inflatable candy canes unless proof of said *ahem* affection, can be proffered in negative format to me first. Anyway, the cops evidently showed up, and wanted the party to end. The interesting drama as we left was poor David (remember, the guy whose birthday it was?) pounding on Andy’s door, trying to get Andy to come out and get rid of everyone.

“It’s like 4am in the morning, don’t I have a right to crash? I want to crash.  I’m crashing in my own bedroom for Christ’s sake!”

“Andy, this is not cool. You’ve locked yourself in your room. This is your party; you need to get rid of these people, they’re *your* guests.”

“I just want to crash”

“Andy, this is not cool.”…

A hasty exit and cab ride saw us back to the hotel a little after 4am. Big kudos to Jennifer, who had a full 24 hour day, much longer then the rest of us (obviously), as she had to get up at 4:30am the previous morning to catch a plane down for the visit.  I’m not sure how she did it.

PS:  I would not recommend staying at the Hotel Carlton in the city (SF) if you are in any way a light sleeper or easily embarrassed.  The walls are quite thin, so sound carries; and not just the loud toilets flushing, either.  This was demonstrated to me by the “spirited” couple next door whom seemed quite interested in several spontaneous tutoring sessions in some groaning dialect throughout the course of the late night / early morning / late morning. I think the lady was teaching the guy, because she’d keep kicking in with “Yes, yes” and “Oh God” every so often in a very excited, out of breath sort of way. I guess repetition really is the key to success.

Compare & contrast the following:

Scenario #1:  You are on a conference call with people located in 4 separate countries spread across the globe.   You end up (correctly, mind you) using the term "geopolitical" while elaborating on one of the agenda items.  Some pointed discussion ensues about political and business interests.

Scenario #2 (18 hours later):  You are attending your daily status meeting with ~20 people in attendance and 1 or 2 conference called in from 2 states away.  You ask some questions of one of the people on the phone, provide some clarifying information, and prepare to move on.  They respond with the unique phrase decision of "Word up".  Stunned silence follows.

Compare & contrast these two real business situations.  Would experiencing both make you laugh?  Cry?  Smile? Throw up?  Run screaming for the exit?  Pray for the future of tomorrow?  Shrug your shoulders and return to your regularly scheduled program?   Do you think your reaction would be different if the two occurrences happened closer together?  Farther apart?  Which scenario would you rather be involved with and why?

Extra Credit:  When exactly did "Word up" again become appropriate to use in general conversation in the US?  How about in a business setting?  (Hint: The country had yet to enter "Hammertime").

Double Special, Super Duper, Extra Credit:  Does Cameo still think its the codeword?  Do you?  If you could choose a codeword, what would it be?  Can I try using that as your email password?  How about your on-line banking password?  Have you ever used a codeword with someone over the age of twelve?  Did it make you feel cool or stupid?  Was the secrecy worth it?

Feel free to take a second blue book if you need it, and there are fresh pencils up here as well.  You have until the bell rings.  Raise your hand if you have a question and I will come to you.  No talking, but cheat all you want.  Good luck.

(Inspired by a most excellent birthday gift from Mary-Lynn).

Got Goat?... You will :)

While there are days I have issues with my job at "The Evil Empire™ ", there are also days where some really terrific people and opportunities make it a blast.

This is a great example of that goodness.

The giving campaign is a wonderful opportunity that not enough people take advantage of, and the goat is a cultural icon in my particular group that is hard to fully explain.

Thanks for organizing Bengt!